because we searching for the quality one, eh? not everybody in this world want to be your friends. it's freaky yet creepy. losing friends is the way of life. every years in your life, you meet a new people, but not all of them have a suitable quality to be your friends.

so, i think today i'm losing friends. i'm losing fake friends, who is only takes advantages on me a lot of times. back to when i was in college, i'm a super-friendly person. i say hi to everybody, but not all of them say hi back to me. but, it's okay. i'm scary when i was in college.

and now, after graduating (actually, we not graduating yet, but next month is our graduating ceremony, yeayy), i'm losing my friends one by one. they left me one by one. i'm losing them, day by day. the quantity of my friends decrease. but, i don't care.

now, i have a problem in making friends before. because, i'm not talkative to a stranger. i'm very secretive and introvert. i'm weird. i'm a weirdo. weird and me are a best friend. and at this age, i realized who is real friends, and who is friends with benefits.

i also have a very bad trust issues. this issues bring a lot of problem. i'm not believe anybody in my life anymore. i'm being secretive and this killing me inside. i always think that nobody want to hear my story. nobody want to solve my problems. and every time i trust people, they betray me, so badly. i'm broken and done with all of this problem.

i always talking alone. i recording my voice, and hear to my problem again and again and find a way to solve it, myself! i done it all by myself. it's hurts, but it's better than trusting people.

failed teenagers. even tho you feel you pretty good as  a teenagers. this is my voice why we failed as a teenagers. why i failed as a teenagers. why what i'm doing right now will ruining my whole life. leaving me with my traumatizing teenagers life.

i used to think, as a teenagers, we should try everything. i'm not gonna lie, i ever smoking and vaping. i think it cool, but no, because i don't want my future daughter to be so bad, like me.

i also ever had a boyfriend. and, i think this is must-have relationship when you are teenagers. but, once again. teenagers fooled me. it's so bad actually, i don't want to try it anymore, until i'm ready.

next, as a teenagers, we always scare about how people will treat us. this is a phase where you learn a lot in your life. it's up to you whether you want to make a same mistake, or you gonna learned from your mistake. basically, i can say, i learn a lot from my mistake. be a teenagers is tough, it's harder than be an adult.

my concept as a teenagers is, you need to gained more experience

assalamualaikum,
actually i feel very nervous to write this because for me, it's quiet privacy, but i'm gonna tell it here, because nobody read my blog.

my first love is my own best friend. he is a good friend. a good listener. my crazy dance partner. laugh at all my jokes. until one day, he say he loves me. at that point, i was 18 years old.it's a very fresh age, and i made a big mistake.

i told him that i also have a same feeling, (eventho i don't even feel i fall in love at that point, for me, you can pupuk minat). and we officially in a relationship at 22 February 2015. my first day as a lover is not bad. i act so silly, and hoping he enjoy my silly thingy, and yeah,he enjoyed it so much.

fun fact is he is my classmate. you know you in a big trouble if you fall in love with your best friend, and also your classmate. for a couple months, we kept our relationship silent, until in May 2015, one of my friend ask me "are you and him in a relationship. guess i don't have to kept it secret anymore, and i told her yes, we are. so this is where the problem start.

one of a member in my "best friends group" in class don't like this kind of relationship. she's taking her time realizing that two of her friends are in love. (make sense laa, macam pelik je dari best friend jadi lover). and finally she "redha" and "terima takdir". alhamdulillah.

at first, our relationship is so smooth and doing well, without any problems. but after 10 months of relationship, he started to texting back his ex-girlfriend, that he called "best friend". yes, that night,i cried a lot, and made my eyes sore and red, i felt bad. i can't take this (it's actually so hard for me, because i never be in love and i can't believe a person that i trust doing this).

there's nothing much i can say about this relationship. because it's a very simple relationship. but, we talked a lot in relationship (because both of us are very chatty person). we just doing a "couple thing" such as otp at th middleof the night, chatting, saying love words, and you know, all couple thingy!

our relationship start to be very problematic after both of us being seperate (because, masa tu nak buat OJT, kami OJT asing-asing), so at that moment i realize, i just bored him because i'm not a good girl friend. i being very sensitive, i cried a lot, i argued with him. and "love words" thing disappear from the diary of my life.

ok, this is the saddest part. on january 2017, i still remembered wi-fi line is so bad that day, and i can't chat him from that evening. he send me his picture, and i'm not replying. i just silent. and at 9 o'clock something, he say his done with me. i remembered how bad i cried that night. i cried whole night. (WHOLE NIGHT, SERIOUSLY??)

so, that's my story about my first love. even tho, i'm his once upon a time, but i guess i'm not his happily ever after. so sad, but it's true.

moral of a story : fall in love with your best friend in your own risk. but, if you not ready to losing your best friend, don't ever try this,it's horrible. i miss he as my best friend, not my lover.

kbaii.

penat. penat fizikal, lagi-lagi mental. banyak manusia toksik yang berbahaya dan akan menghancurkan masa depan jika tidak dimusnahkan awal.

sakit. sakit badan, juga sakit hati. manusia senang berubah. jangan terlalu berharap bahawa manusia akan sentiasa menjadi orang yang sama. manusia ikut keadaan dan situasi. juga kadang-kadang ikut nafsu dan pemikiran.

cinta. sudah hilang. tiada lagi cinta kepada bukan mahram. target hanya untuk memberikan cinta kepada yang sepatutnya. kepada Allah yang sentiasa memberi peluang, kepada Rasul yang mengingati ummatnya sehingga ke nafas terakhir. kepada ibu bapa yang sudah berkorban pelbagai perkara. juga kepada keluarga yang memberikan sokongan.

rindu. fokuskan rindu pada yang maha Esa. jika ada rindu terhadap manusia yang tidak layak, hapuskan dengan zikrullah. rindu kepada sahabat, borak di media sosial. elakkan daripada merindui yang tidak penting.

sedih. terlalu lama sedih. hati sudah penat. tapi sedih ialah penguat semula dan pembangkit utama semangat untuk terus hidup. kesedihan adalah kebangkitan. kesedihan ialah kekuatan. bukan mudah untuk kuntumkan senyuman dalam keadaan sedih, cuma kadang-kadang perlu kerana sedih tak perlu ditunjuk.

gembira. ada keluarga dan kawan-kawan yang memahami. ada media sosial dan juga youtube. yang penting, ada al-Quran untuk dibaca ketika hati berasa rawan dan gundah. Allah tidak memberi ujian kepada hamba-Nya sembarangan, melainkan hamba-Nya mampu mengatasi ujian itu.

p/s : wassap group family penuh gambar Luth. Alhamdulillah :)