who said love is sweet?

my voice sometimes cannot say a few things that i really want to say, because there's a lot of ears hearing and a lot of heart hurting.

while me myself swallowing all the thing by myself, and cannot throw up.

its nasty to keep all the bad thing inside.

its make you be bad, disobedient, rebellion, sad, depress

but, you have to keep it all by yourself

because of the judging society

and we fight ourselves a lot because a few thing we cannot solve

and we just keep ourselves struggling

and all our hope just vanish

and all our happiness just shut and dim

and day by day, more gloomy feeling entering our heart

and still,

you can't say out loud

a few things!

hi, it's been a while eh?

it's just me and a few little thing that i love lately. i randomly gather them together and write them into this beautiful post.

first of all, i just want to share about how addicted me writing in red pen nowadays. i love red pen, and write almost everything with it. maybe because in my childhood i used to believe the "red pen cursed thing". u know? if you red something in red pen, it will be a bad luck to you. oh, i miss my innocence childhood.

but today, even when i write my diary, i used all red pen. i just basically addicted with red pen so much, i cannot stop. and also, when i was young, i hate red pen so much because i hate red stain in my book, but now, my book just full with red ink, and i personally love it.

i also start to think that recently i fall in love indie aesthetic song. it's suit my  personality very well. sometimes it's help me dealing with depression deep inside myself. it's sooth me through hardship and it allow me to talk to myself a lot.

you know how to hear this kind of music? your room has to be dark, and you need blanket and tear. just cry whole night, and wake up smiling. no one know a hardship you dealing all night. and repeat it again tomorrow if you feeling bad. *but, it feel much better if after you perform solah, you pray to Allah la, you tell Him your story lah*

next, i start to believe a happiness in little thing. before i believe in this, i am the person who strongly believe that happiness is a moment that have to be memorable and grand. but as i getting older, happiness is just a little thing.

like, having an ice cream with your sister in a room, eating together outside in a weekend, enjoy your holiday by sleeping all day. streaming to your currently favorite song. for me, the most memorable thing i do this year is joining a most dedicated fandom ever. it's called ARMY. yes, it's a huge changes in my life.

as i getting older, i start to develop habit love everything in a simple way. don't overdo anything, don't get over excited. just calm and you will be happy. don't rush doing something. just relax, calm, and something big and wonderful will come to you as a reward.

i can say, getting older change me to be minimalist person. but, sometimes, i still cant control my shopping habit.

aa, shopping is also my favorite. not really shopping actually, it's just window shopping. seeing a lot of people sooth me, especially every time they receive and reply my smile. yeah. it's hard to make friends, but it's easy to smile to stranger.

i also love positive vibes around me. i am that kind of person who cant work in pressure. i just hate being pushed by other people. but, sometimes people don't understand me. but it's okay, as long as i can cry at night, everything fine.

okay, i'm done telling a story about a random thing i love recently. i wish i can write another post very soon because i miss writing like crazy now but i have no inspiration. should i start writing some novel again?

it's been a while now.

i never post anything in any of my media social ((exclude instagram and blog), but my latest post is a week ago. it's been a while anyway.

i never checked my whatsapp.

i just retweet people tweet in twitter.

i ignore my facebook and loss contact with all my friends.

i watched a lot of korean dramas and anime.

2018 let escape.

let's be introvert again.

let's be my true self.

and, let see who searched for me during this escape.

assalamualaikum,

kepada shanaz di masa hadapan, kau ingat lah ni lah hari pertama kau masak pasta carbonara okay sisturr?

hihi, bukan masak cemna pun. cuma aku beli carbonara sauce siap-siap dari market. sampai rumah tinggal nak masak je lagi. untuk sos carbonara, aku pakai "prego carbonara cendawan" yang tin warna biru itu. dan untuk pasta, kami pakai "fettuccine sen remo" yang bentuk macam leper-leper itu. sila refer gambar di bawah kawan-kawan.

fuhh,

sepanjang minggu nak cantik mulus ni, aku mula buat research banyak untuk bahan yang lebih organik. ye lah, aku ni jenis manusia fobia sila meninggal dengan barang-barang kecantikan yang ada di pasaran. macam k-doll, qu puteh, apa entah lagi, kebanyakkan produk tempatan. bukan tak support local, tapi tiap kali aku nak cuba, tiap kali tu lah keluar semua statement mercury lah, dah tak pakai breakout teruk lah, dan aku pun jadi sangat berhati-hati level tertinggi. mama aku pun selalu pesan, jangan pakai produk sembarangan, muka ni anugerah, jangan rosakkan. -.-

jadi, malam ni dengan beraninya aku nak cuba masker madu kelulut. madu kelulut ni sebenarnya berasal dari lebah keluli kelulut. Lebah kelulut ni kecik je,macam lalat, lepastu beliau tak sting. comel je saiz dia. papa siap buat rumah beliau belakang rumah, that's why laa senang nak dapat madu ni. kalau beli kat luar mahal, baik pelihara, kan? her her her.



lepastu campak-campak je bahan-bahan tu dalam bowl. dahtu, tempek-tempek kat muka, nak tempek tebal pun okay.

biarkan selama 15 minit atau sampai kering ye kawan-kawan.

dah kering, bilas pakai air suam. sebaiknya guna kain. tapi aku sekarang ni belum ada kain, jadi aku sapu-sapu muka pakai tangan je.

dah siap. boleh tidur dengan aman.

"eh, nanti tak bersemut ke muka?"

hihi, setakat ni, melalui review yang aku baca, masih selamat lagi. tak ada lah semut nak datang tinggal kat situ. senang kata, safe and sound gais.

so, let's try.

p/s : aku akan buat review mask ni lepas 3 kali pakai ye. tunggu result geng.

assalamualaikum,
dengan sukacitanya aku nak bagitau yang muka aku kembali kepada asal permulaan jerawat fasa budak2 baru nak up dulu. hmm, keciwa nau gais.

sebenarnya, aku pun tak tau kenapa dan apa salah aku sampai muka aku tiba-tiba breakout dengan gemilangnya. entah, mungkin salah makan, atau salah minum, atau salah pakai, atau salah tidur, terkurang terlebih apa2, aku belum habis kaji lagi. tapi, aku memang tak mahu nak mengkaji sebab yang penting sekarang ialah cara nak kembalikan semula muka aku yang okay dulu kala, walupun tak lah se'flawless' artis kpop, its okay, at least aku yakin nak keluar tanpa oles bedak, sekarang, oles bedak pun capuk2 gais. mana nak cover capuk2 tu gais?

aisehmen, aku pun ada lah cuba beberapa barang untuk muka ni, aku rasa muka aku start breakout lepas aku berhenti pakai scrub "st ives blemish control". okay, cakap serius aku memang suka ngat-2 dengan scrub ni sebab lepas sapu kat muka, rasa bersih macam baru tukar kulit. lewlzz, over nau perumpaan, tapi memang best produk ni. aku berehenti bukan apa kawan2, aku berhenti sebab aku belum ada cukup bajet lagi. haah, memang harga dia rm 25 je kat watson, tapi tu lah, tiap kali ke watson asyik lupa nak beli. kalau tak lupa, mesti terbeli benda lain, frust nau.